So Far

*this was written months ago. I've since moved from my apartment. Not much else has changed.


    So I haven't written anything in a long while.  It seems that I'm losing what ability I used to have with written literature.  I'm holed up all the time in my tiny cave, so that's no excuse for not writing.  But what I would attribute to my lack of expression is my lack of communication with the outside world, my isolation from people and meaningful conversation.  I really don't have anyone on my level to communicate with.  I have friends and we bullshit, but that's what the conversation is 'bullshit'.  I get so much of my knowledge from studying information from the internet, educational television programming, and even listening to talk radio.  I'm a information junkie.  But what is it that keeps me immobile?  Energy is one thing.  I am constantly in a state of depression.  Sometimes worse than others, but it still affects my appetite.  I think another reason might be the pills I'm constantly on that put me in more or less a semi-functioning catatonic state.  But I think that a large part of what shuts me down is that there is no one here.  I've done roommate situations before and I cannot stand it.  So I decide to live like this.  But for maybe 3-4 hours maybe every other day I have interactions with other humans who are nothing like me and have nothing in common with me, so the interaction is meaningless.  I don't want to say that I 'hate people', because that would include all of you. But for the most part, you people bore the hell out of me.  

    I'm constantly trying to evolve my mental and spiritual self.  I do believe that there are mysteries that exist beyond our physical existence.  But surrounded by jackasses and douchebags, I come to a conclusion that we are doomed.  So I seperate myself from the masses and meditate in front of my fucking TV and waste my days thinking about how miserable it is to live in this age.