Fallacious Expectations

As I awake, I turn to feel your embrace, 

but you are not there. 

Out of the shower, I expect to see you brushing your hair,

but you are not there. 

I pour two cups of coffee for us to share,

but you are not there. 

Speaking of my day, my fears, and all my hopes and dreams,

but you are not there. 

When I come home, I hope to feel your kiss,

but you are not there. 

I sit here on this couch and stare,

hoping you would be there. 

Lying here in this bed, I cry through the night,

because you are not there. 

Finally, I close my eyes and sleep forever.

You were never there. 

Distance

I drift this world. 

Alongside the ghosts who wander the fog. 

The heart beats,

But the body has been long dead. 

My subtle gaze pierces through your soul. 

And I can see, you are as gone as I. 

The light will never reach us here. 

I created this existance, this legacy for the lost. 

Come along with me, and I will show you

Your darkest fears, all that brought you to me. 

That urge to escape what you never were. 

You cannot elude what you will soon become. 

No regrets, No rewards...

It's that season again. And again it cripples my knees and turns my soul into icicles. It's the depression once again. That grabby old fuck who's always on my back. I'll never shake it. It's forever embedded into the psyche of who I am. There's some out there who want me to change and be happier. People don't change (unless they've had a procedure done), people get better and they get worse. Spring and fall are seasons when I'm less depressed, summer (my birthday), winter with Christmas, those are the seasons I'm at my worse. Many people have seasonal depression. Most people would get professional help. I did. It may work for them, but I'm a student of psychology, and that junk don't work on me. It's not worth trying to fix me. I'm aware of my issues and I manage them as well as I can. I'm only one human. Sometimes a whole lot of shit comes between you and your emotions. I'm going to be down, I'm going to be moody. Expect me.